So I guess I will just start off from the very beginning, what everyone finds very most interesting. The moment that my tiny, teenage body produced a completely new human.
I was scheduled for a cesarean section due to breech presentation. I was absolutely scared shitless. My entire pregnancy I prayed for vaginal birth and no emergency c-section.. I guess God said “you didn’t say anything about a scheduled one..” so anyway.. I go into labor and delivery at around 5 am, my section wasn’t scheduled until 8. I sat in my hospital bed hooked up to monitors and freaking the fuck out while my boyfriend slept in the chair. I FaceTimed my sister to pass the time.
8 o’clock rolls around and no one has been in my room since the nurses got me checked in and hooked up to the monitors and IV so I grow even more anxious. Finally, the CRNA and scrub nurse come in to introduce themselves around 8:10. The CRNA explained in great depth the procedures I was going to endure and how exactly they would play out. I grew more confident.. it sounded so easy. I signed consent forms and they said the doctor would be in any minute.
I am still sitting in my bed. “Where the hell is the doctor?” Is all I could think. She finally comes in around 8:30 and I swear I heard angels sing when she walked in my room. The CRNA and scrub nurse nurse followed behind and the rolled me to the OR. It felt like my blood was running cold. I. Was. Terrified. They sat me on the operating table and began my spinal block. It didn’t hurt one bit. Not one bit. They immediately laid me back and called my boyfriend and midwife into the room.
The CRNA started putting my drape up and I began to feel nothing but pure excitement. My baby.. that’s right MY baby.. was going to be here in MINUTES. The little human I dreamt of seeing for nine months was about to be right in front of me. All of the hard work was about to reap reward. I was ecstatic.
I laid still and waited. I looked at my boyfriend and there was nothing but pure infatuation and fear at the same time on his face. I asked him if he was okay and he nodded but I could tell he was terrified.. but looked so in love at the same time.
I continued to lay still and wait. I smiled through the tugging and pulling I felt. I felt my daughter swim up in my ribs to try and escape the proding tools and hands that were after her. Unsuccessful. Sorry baby. I heard the CRNA say “I see feet!” And my heart went in my throat. Oh my God.. here she is.. she is quite literally stepping into this world as I lay here numb and blind. Moments later the CRNA announced “we have a baby! 9:09 am!” And I heard that sweet cry. The sweetest cry I have ever heard. I cried one tear and my boyfriend rushed to be by her side. I couldn’t stop smiling.
As they sewed me up I had what is called referred pain. In other words, I felt all of the pain that I would have felt in my uterus while they were sewing in my chest. I asked if it was normal and they said yes but if it got too bad they would give me a narcotic and it would make me drowsy. I shook my head because I wanted to be fully aware during every second of this. Well, seconds later the pain had intensified by a million. It felt like hot lava was being poured into my chest and I was involuntarily trying to roll on my left side because hey.. if you’ve been pregnant you know that laying on your left side fixes everything. My midwife was holding me down while the CRNA administered 2 doses of the narcotic and I don’t remember calming down but I remember the moment my daughter was brought to me and I remember kissing her cheeks and telling her everything was okay.
Everything was a blur again until I was back in my hospital bed nursing my daughter. I couldn’t stop smiling again. I didn’t care what my body looked like, felt like, anything. All I cared about was her. I was truly in love. And it isn’t a love that I have felt before it is a deeper love. The deepest love I have ever felt. It is a I will do anything for you and I will do it right this second kind of love. My heart was so full.
She was born on August the fifth at 9:09 am. She weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces and was 19.75 inches long. She stole so many hearts that day.
It’s funny how sometimes you never know you need something until it’s there. That’s how I was with her. My life was fine before she was born, but my life was complete after and would never be fine without her again.
This was the best day of my life.